Friend, I don’t eat red meat often (usually not at all), but when I do, I eat at IN-N-OUT BURGER. By the way, Texas stole IN-N-OUT BURGER from California, but I digress…
So, I started thinking, over the years, I’ve shared how to make the best coffee, how to drink the best beers available, and even how to smoke the best cigars. But I haven’t shared how to properly shop. And this is universal, so really, it can be applied to many types of shopping. And the IN-N-OUT BURGER jingle perfectly describes my inventive, yet tried and true shopping method: IN-N-OUT, IN-N-OUT, THAT’s WHAT SHOPPING’S ALL ABOUT.
Step one: Leave the spouse at home. I won’t mention any gender here, but let’s just say she’s an aisle stroller. You know the kind – walking up and down EACH and EVERY aisle, no matter whether you need something on that aisle or not. Theoretically, this could chop your shopping extravaganza in half. Oh, yes! Oh, yes, it can.
Step two: Before you go shopping, make a list and check it twice. Spending too much time shopping is naughty, not nice. And don’t forget the rice – if you like rice.
Step three: Only travel down the aisle that has something you need. We all know what the great poet, Robert Frost, said about: The Aisle Not Taken. I know that’s right!
Step four: Haste doesn’t make waste. Choose your shopping cart wisely. In order to properly and quickly zip your way through the store, a proper shopping cart is of utmost importance. You don’t want one of those squeaky, malfunctioning wheels. We’ve all been there. Am I right?
Final step: Choose the correct check-out lane. I often like to get behind the young man, or woman, who likes to pop a top. Preferably, an Ale Wagger Brown by the Saint Arnold Brewing Company. And I’m not judging, but usually these guys have less than four items (six packs), and they are in a big hurry to go home and imbibe. That’s a little something I call the express lane.
Boom! There you have it. You got your IN-N-OUT shopping done and are on the way home. That’s right, like me, you have officially graduated to an IN-N-OUT Shopper. Congratulations! And, you’re welcome.